A poem for my wife. I tried writing a Shakespearean sonnet, but the whole iambic pattern still eludes me. So have kept the other elements of the sonnet true, ignoring an iambic pattern. Enjoy.
My first breath came from your kiss
My heart pumped at your touch
My body moved so as to not miss
My eyes opened to behold such
Life began when you were found,
I waited patiently for that first gasp.
Beating in silence my heart bound
Desired feelings eluded my clasp,
Yet I had fallen and risen.
Learnt to service by one
Been free with loving, no prison
In the end I had come undone
Your love had awoken me
You are my life blood, you see
withheldindarkness 
bionicdee122
Thursday 16th August, 2012 at 1:20 am
Nice to see someone else trying their hand at a Shakespearean sonnet. I did one years ago and it was rough getting through it, that iambic structure is a pain to work with. I’m not really a structured writer so it was a challenge, but you did well with yours it has a nice flow.
withheldindarkness
Thursday 16th August, 2012 at 9:14 am
Thanks for the comment. Yeah I just find the iambic to painful, especially considering I like free verse most the time. But I am always up for challenges to push myself. I just find the iambic isn’t natural to me (maybe if I was around a few centuries ago that wouldn’t have been the case đ Thanks!
bionicdee122
Thursday 16th August, 2012 at 9:44 am
You’re welcome! Always great to challenge yourself.
bristleconebreeze
Friday 24th August, 2012 at 9:30 pm
I’m not really an expert with poem ‘s construction, but one thing i know? love it, =) aesthetically well written.
withheldindarkness
Sunday 26th August, 2012 at 7:38 pm
Thanks for the comments. To me that is the greatest thing about any art form, it is a personally choice. It doesn’t have to be any specific form for people to enjoy them (and in the end that is poetry to me). Thanks đ
brickhearth
Tuesday 11th September, 2012 at 11:53 pm
It is clear to me that you have researched poetry and its techniques extensively. Couple that with the enduring fiery passion you put into those long-honored structures and something beautiful is created. This, to me, describes love perfectly– to serve someone totally, which in turn releases you from prison. To come undone by loving. This illustrates, in my mind at least, the positive breaking down of the individual in favor of the relationship and it was beautifully written. Thank you.
(As a side note- you’ll get iambic pentameter someday– I’m cursed with the opposite problem, I find it difficult to write in anything but!)
withheldindarkness
Wednesday 12th September, 2012 at 9:36 am
Thanks for such a wonderful comment. Much appreciated. I am still learning lots about poetry, and find reading others and published work is the only way to really improve my writing. Love is such a powerful theme to write upon. Thanks.
bubblytee
Thursday 27th September, 2012 at 3:26 am
Lov the final line.
Your beloved is blessed ~
withheldindarkness
Thursday 27th September, 2012 at 9:16 am
Thanks for comment. No, it is I who is blessed đ